The Club Of God-fearing Men- 13

Silence reigned for a few seconds after he dropped by the bombshell. He waited, tense, sneaking a look at Lola’s face.
Suddenly the tension broke as she burst into laughter.
Genesis let a smile loose as he watched her throw her head back, tears peeking out of her eyelids.
‘You’re kidding right?’ she asked in-between bouts of uncontrolled laughter.
‘Er…what do you think?’ he was trying to read this woman. She didn’t seem like the average woman who got thrown off-balance by sweet talk.
‘I think you’re crazy or stupid. Or delusional.’ She cocked an eyebrow at him, ‘you’ve known me what – all of two weeks, yeah? And you’re already seeing vision? When I’m not mammy water or Miss World?’
He smiled then. He had to admit, her sense of humour was infectious.
‘So you don’t think you’re beautiful, is that it?’ he asked, still playing it cool.
‘On the contrary, I think I’m gorgeous. But I also don’t think anyone can possibly have visions about a woman he barely knows. Come on, all we’ve talked about is bible and church. So what about me is so adorable, apart from my nice ass?’ she wiggled her forefinger at him.
‘You. That. That amazing sense of humour. I admit you’ve got a nice ass…I mean, who won’t notice? He winked at her. ‘But you’ve got something more…you’re smart, you love God. You are hot. That combination is the bomb. I mean, what’s not to like?’
She laughed again, her right hand tucked beneath her chin as she looked at him.
‘I take exception to being called hot, by the way.’
‘Yes ma’am,’ he actually enjoyed listening to her talk, and she had taken his mind of Abbey at least.
‘Now that’s cleared…can we continue with our lesson?’
‘What’s cleared? You didn’t give me an answer, woman.’
‘An answer to what, Genesis? Don’t do this abeg, or…’
‘Or what?’
‘I might have to put in a request for a change…if we can’t make this work,’ it was the first time he had seen her looking so solemn.
‘Just one dinner, Lola. Let’s get to know each other better. You are, after all my new best friend, right?’
‘Genesis.’
‘Once. It’ll be fun, I promise. Look at me now, I’m Mister Fun Guy.’
‘Fine. One dinner. And it’s not a date. Now, can we go back to our lesson?’
‘Yes ma’am.’

****
‘The babe dey form like say my chest no impress her…’ Tango was saying.
They were at an isi ewu joint in the area; Chris had just been paid salary and had offered to take them out for goat head and drinks.
As usual, the topic of discussion was their recent escapades and how far they’d gone in their game.
‘Wait T, you showed her your chest?’ Chris asked, nursing a bottle of Star.
‘Accidentally,’ Tango grinned, showing off a set of shallow dimples.
‘Abeg how persin dey take show persin chest accidentally eh? Abeg enlighten us…I wan learn.’ Sly munched away on his meat.
‘She been come my house…’
‘Wait, your house already? Bros, you sure say that geh na true spirikoko?’ Genesis interrupted.
‘I don dey her case for three weeks now o. Besides, I had to lie that I was sick to get her to come,’ he winked.
‘Correct, guy!’ Sly hailed.
‘So di geh show o. Omo, I tink say she go carry food flask come, as per sick persin. Omo, babe carry big Bible come o. And me I been dey without shirt, dey reason say if she come, she go play mother and then one thing go lead to another na…chai, na dat day I know say Nollywood sabi lie! If na Desmond Elliot do dat kain tin, na so di geh go fall sharply like persin wey no get gravity. Mtchew.’
His friends burst into laughter at his words.
‘Na you be mumu for believing Nollywood,’ Genesis chuckled.
‘Na you sabi.’
‘Oya continue…’ Chris urged him.
‘Di babe no even look my chest twice. She just stand for door talk say make I wear shirt before she go enter.’
‘Erm… but wait o T. Wetin be the babe name? Shebi you’ve known her for three weeks? Why you still calling her ‘babe’?’ Genesis didn’t know why it suddenly rattled him the way Tango referred to the girl. He had done it himself several times before; referring to the girl he was sleeping with as something impersonal like ‘babe’ or ‘chic’. It helped him keep an emotional distance, no strings attached so that it was easier walking away when he needed to. He didn’t do pet names or endearments; he didn’t ‘baby’ anyone and let no one ‘baby’ him either. The moment a girl started calling him ‘baby’, honey or whatever; he knew it was time to call it quits. Once, a girl he had been sleeping with started referring to him as ‘Poo-pooey’ in her text messages and Genesis had immediately screened her number. What the heck was poo-pooey?
‘Since when did names matter?’ Tango was saying.
‘I dunno…I just think it sounds…disrespectful especially since you’ve known her er…’ Genesis paused, uncomfortable. What was he getting at sef?
‘G-man, you well so?’ Sly asked. ‘We don’t care about her name. It’s just a freaking game! When he’s gotten what he wants, he’s out. So why use her name when she’s not even his girlfriend?’
The logic made perfect sense, or it would have on another day. But today, it just didn’t sit well with Genesis.
‘I just think…what if she was your sister and…some guy referred to her like…that?’ he pressed.
‘Dude, you did not think about that when we were agreeing to nail a spiri-koko sister o. Why is it important now? Wetin dey do you sef? You get belle?’ Sly snickered.
‘Ah…I think Genesis has a point,’ Chris spoke up in his quiet baritone. ‘Even if it is a game, the least we could do is remember that these girls are human beings…it’s not too much to ask to use their names in a conversation. They’re not inanimate objects.’
‘Biko, pause with that your grammar, Chris. This thing is not a big deal. Shebi na my babe she be? Then I will call her whatever the heck I want. O pari.’ Tango’s eyes flared briefly as he spoke.
Genesis sighed. He couldn’t understand what he had been fussing about but to him it suddenly mattered. He couldn’t picture himself calling Lola anything other than her name. Maybe it was because they had taken a more personal approach. It wasn’t just like the normal chase, this was different.
Their table went into an uncomfortable silence after the semi- brawl and Genesis found himself looking at his friends in a new light.
He had known Tango for five years now and he remembered when he’d first met him; at a club, charming the girls off their feet. He had liked the guy’s magnetic pull. There were always ladies around him and he oozed a type of confidence that was attractive. And yet when Genesis got closer to him, he saw that that was all he was- body, muscles and looks. His confidence came from his looks, and all he talked about was girls.
Whenever Genesis wanted to have an intelligent conversation, he went to Chris. Chris, the quiet intellectual one. Ordinarily, he wasn’t Genesis type; he preferred the boisterous outgoing guys as friends, but he was drawn to Chris’ ingenuity.
They had met at NYSC camp, they had been in the same platoon and had both represented their platoon in the debate competition. That was where Genesis had gotten interested in Chris and he had not known the relationship would last this long.
Sly was the oldest of Chris’ friends. They had gone to school together, studied the same course, but where Genesis was genuinely interested in engineering, Sly preferred clubbing.
It occurred to Genesis as he sat with them, gulping down drinks and exchanging small chit-chat, that something was going on in him that he could not explain. Whether he liked it or not, he was yet to find out.

The Club Of God-Fearing Men- 12

Genesis had been propositioned a number of times in his not-so-long life; when he was seventeen, their twenty-three year old next door neighbor had offered her ‘services’ if he wanted experience with a ‘real woman’.
His first blow job had been in his third year in the University, when his study-partner had followed him to the back of the classroom and in the darkness had begged to ‘do’ things to him with her mouth.
And so many other times he could not begin to recall, and yet when Abbey asked him to spend the night, the excitement that pulsed through his body wasn’t the usual kind.
His first thought wasn’t about her in bed with him, no, that came later. His first thought was about how good it felt to be that trusted. He knew she couldn’t ask it of just anyone even if the person had just spent two hours babysitting her kids; it was no delusion the kind of world they lived in.
“Are…you sure?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s…uh…been a while I had anyone to talk to…and…I know there’s no guest room but…I promise; the couch is quite comfortable.” Her smile was nervous.
He hadn’t been expecting her to offer her bedroom to him of course, but he also hadn’t expected her to mention the couch idea so unabashedly.
“I think I prefer my soft, wide bed,” he replied, a playful lilt in his words.
“Genesis, seriously. Are you gonna make me beg?”
And just like that, he was back to thinking how incredibly sexy she was standing there, arms akimbo, hair askance.
He blinked then. How could he possibly spend the night in the same house as this woman without going crazy?
“I’m…not sure …that’s a good idea,” he muttered, averting his eyes so she wouldn’t see his thoughts through them.
“What? Brother Genesis can’t handle spending the night in the house of a woman without thinking carnal thoughts?” there was a light in her eyes as she teased.
It was then it dawned on him that he was still supposed to be in character! He was supposed to be the spirikoko brother from Grace Assembly, the sort of man who did not get moved by such things as beautiful sisters-in-the-Lord.
“Thou shall not tempt the Lord thy God…” he responded, enjoying the light banter.
“Well, Jesus said in this world…ye shall have trials…but be of good cheer I have overcome. Don’t you believe that through Jesus, you can overcome all temptations, brother Genesis?”
His eyes searched her face, wanting to know whether she was being serious or if she was just baiting him. Did she have any idea how much she affected him even in her ‘unsophisticated’ state?
“Okay, okay. I give up. I’ll stay tonight. On the couch. Satisfied, madam?” he had to change the direction the conversation was taking. He didn’t know how long he could pretend he was not affected by her especially with Little Johnny beginning to rear its head.
“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t plan this at all. And today being Monday, you have to go to work and all that…please no vex. I have asked too much of you already, but be sure that for coming to the rescue of a widow…God is definitely gonna reward you.”
It was when she said the W word that he remembered that she had lost her husband, that he was about to spend the night in the house of a dead man’s wife. It was then he noticed the small framed picture hanging from the wall and suddenly he wanted to know more about the man whom she had pledged her life to, who had fathered her daughters.
“Will you tell me how he…” he began, not sure of the words to use.
She shook her head, “not today, Genesis.”
“When?”
“Some other time but…not today, please.” She yawned. “I’m so tired right now; all I wanna do is sleep.”
“You can’t go to work today, you know?”
“Fortunately, I’m a semi-boss so I am not obliged to. I’ll just stay home with the girls.”
“You know…I don’t know…enough about you.”
“Enough? I don’t know anything about you,” she yawned again, moving towards the corridor. “But that would be for another day. Let me get you a blanket and pillow. If you wanna take a shower, you can use the guest bathroom.”
“Er…I’ll pass on that. I just need to sleep too.” The mention of shower brought pictures to his head that he didn’t want to entertain.
As he settled in for the night, he wondered if he was going to get any sleep because all he could picture was her, lying in bed naked. Without him.
*****
“Genesis, are you okay?”
“Huh?”
“Oya, talk to me,” it was Lola. “Something has been taking your attention away from me and I want to know what it is.”
Genesis sighed. It was their second week of Salvation classes and he had already recognized Lola’s powerful intuition. She reminded him of his mother, who could take one look at him and know something was up.
“Nothing is wrong na. I’m listening to you,” he feigned interest.
“Eh…and I was born yesterday. Okay, what’s the last thing I said?”
“Uh…you said something about uh…how Jesus promised us the Comforter when…”
Lola burst into laughter, interrupting him.
“What’s funny?” he asked.
“What’s funny is that, that’s what I taught yesterday! You haven’t listened at all to anything I’ve said these past ten minutes!”
“Seriously?” he was flummoxed.
“Yes. So, now you owe me. Talk…what’s on your mind. Maybe I can help. Woman troubles?”
Genesis sighed. He couldn’t tell her that it was indeed a woman on his mind, that since he had spent time with Abbey that night, two weeks ago, he could not stop thinking about her.
Sleep had fled him for another hour when she left him to go to bed; because he kept wondering what she would do if he invited himself to her bedroom. Would she a) kick him out, b) welcome him and tell him she had been waiting for him to take the step, c)slap him, then kiss him.
The only option he saw was a). This was no American sitcom where he would be cheered a hero for taking advantage of a woman’s vulnerability like that.
He left her house at 5 a.m. that morning so he could make it to work. He checked on the girls before leaving, to make sure there was no immediate danger and then he had written Abbey a note.
He left that house that morning with a promise to himself never to come back. There was something about her that made him uncomfortable. He wanted her and yet, he didn’t. He hated that he wanted her. He didn’t want to want her.
He hadn’t called her since then and the salvation classes with Lola had kept him preoccupied. When he met Lola for his first salvation class, he had been distracted by how good she looked. The distraction had expired a few minutes after they parted ways and Abbey was back in his thoughts.
As he sat across from Lola now, he realised he was being stupid. He remembered his bet with the guys and mentally kicked himself for ignoring a potential prey sitting right in front of him.
“Genesis, I’ll walk out of here, if you keep giving me that spacey look! You want us to postpone our classes today?” she was frowning now.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I just…well, you’re right, I’ve got other things on my mind.” He began to spin his lines mentally.
“Mind sharing?”
“I…didn’t want to say anything before. I didn’t want to spoil anything…but…uh…spending time with you has uh…I have come to admire you, Lola. Your zeal for God makes you attractive in a way I never knew was possible. I’m not trying to sweet talk you or anything…and you don’t have to do anything about it now…but I just want you to know…you’ve got a fan in me.” He paused for effect, letting his eyes speak. “You asked what was on my mind? Well, you are.”

His words hung in the air.
To Be Continued….
Mimi A.

The Club Of God-Fearing Men – 9

If she found his suggestion strange, her face didn’t give it away. In fact she glossed over it in a manner that suggested she had warded off many an unwanted proposition without blinking an eye.
She chuckled lightly, saying; ‘I know this new place in Ikeja. Because it’s new, there aren’t so many people flooding it yet, so I think it’d be great if we take advantage of the serenity for this week at least. We can come up with something better later, yeah?”
Genesis was also an expert at hiding disappointment, so his response was a cross between cheerful and reserved. Too much of everything was no good; if he responded in an overly cheerful manner, she would know he was faking it.
He felt he had underestimated her. Just because she was small and playful didn’t mean she was stupid, he decided.
And when have you ever settled for stupid? A voice reminded him at the back of his mind. What he loved, was a challenge. So, dear Lola, be it inside the church or on the top of Mount Everest while fasting sef, I shall have my way when I’m ready.
Their plans were final. Friday by five-thirty, they would meet for their first Salvation class.
It was odd that by the time Genesis was waving her goodbye, he realised he was strangely looking forward to it.
That night, while he prepared for the new week; he found himself thinking about Abbey. It was unexpected because he hadn’t seen her since that night at the club and apart from the brief nostalgia he felt when he was in Grace Assembly earlier that day; she hadn’t entered his thoughts again.
What was it about her that made her pop up in his thoughts now and again? It couldn’t be physical beauty, because he had met many gorgeous women in his day.
In fact, he had once been literally blinded by a particular lady’s beauty. He could hardly look at her without blinking. Staring at her was difficult for him because hers was the kind of beauty that made you question everything, that made you wonder how God could claim to love everyone equally and end up bringing out the ‘fearfully made’ in some people and the ‘wonderfully made’ in others.
So no, it definitely wasn’t beauty that drew him to Abbey.
In his short playboy life, he had come to accept the fact that on some counts the Bible is right. Physical beauty is indeed vain. It is unnecessary in some cases. Only a shallow man, one who didn’t really understand life, would place physical beauty above all else when looking for a woman or a wife.
He had seen many ‘ugly’ of women end up with the most unexpected caliber of men. One time, a classmate of his had introduced him to his fiancée, a lady who had lost her left leg in an accident and had a metal prosthesis in its place.
When she walked, there was clumsiness in her steps that put Genesis off when he first met her. He avoided looking at her legs or in her face, afraid that she would see the irritation in his eyes or the question – why had his friend not picked someone better?
He didn’t really get to know her until his friend married her and moved to Oyo State for his new job. Something happened later that year that caused Genesis to bunk with them for a week. By the time he was leaving their house; he had nothing but praises for Nnedinma. Whenever he looked at her, he forgot about her disability and saw the beauty his friend had seen. And it shamed him that he hadn’t looked beyond the metal to see the human being with a beautiful heart.
Maybe he was doing the same with Abbey. He was refusing to see beyond the fact that she was a widow and had children. He was refusing to see that beyond that, she was human and could have something more to offer.
He sighed, turning in bed.
His friends usually accused him of overthinking things.
If they saw him now and heard his thoughts, they would remind him that this was all a game. Get in, get out and it was over. Besides who wants a woman with baggage? They were not supposed to get emotionally attached with their spirikoko conquests; they were not supposed to look at them as human beings with feelings. No, they were just conquests, pawns. And this was a game.
Just a game, Gen.
He needed to remind himself that. He needed to get his head straight and focus on nailing the smart, sexy Lola Ajibade.
But before then, he had to figure out what it was about Abbey that he couldn’t get out of his head. And maybe when he did, he could get her out of his head and focus on giving sweet Lola some salvation classes.
He roused himself from bed and began to search his trouser pockets, sure he would stumble across her card.
It was 10:54pm when he found it. Tucked somewhere between the pages of a newspaper. He must have slipped it there for safekeeping.
Way to go Gen.
And he thought he had disposed of it long ago.
He hadn’t looked at the card very well when she gave it to him because he hadn’t cared, after discovering she was a mother. But now he looked.
The card was a deep blue colour with her name embossed on it.
Abigael Olaitan.

Manager
Her number was written in small block letters at the edge.
Genesis glanced at the pearl-shaped clock hanging from his wall. It was exactly eleven o clock. It was too late to call anybody, especially someone who was practically a stranger to you.
Maybe it was the pressing need to get her off his mind that overshadowed all reasoning, or maybe it was something more profound that caused him to disregard his rational mind and make the call.
He dialed.

To Be Continued…

MIMI. A

The Club Of God-Fearing Men- 8

Even though he knew he was fake-giving-his-life-to-Christ, Genesis waited for that feeling; the elation that was supposed to come after reciting those words in front of the congregation.
‘…I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth…’ the words sounded ordinary in his mouth, like sawdust. Tasteless, devoid of drama. There was no rushing wind and certainly no tongues of fire like the days of the apostles.
Apart from him there were about five other people taking the same step and as soon as they finished the prayer, the ushers led them to the back of the church while the rest of the congregation clapped like they had just won the lottery. Well; to some, salvation would be considered winning the lottery.
Genesis grimaced inwardly. The things he had to do to make life more interesting, sheesh.
The back room they took them to was air-conditioned with white plastic chairs arranged vertically.
‘Welcome to the body of Christ,’ the lanky man with his well-ironed trouser said, cracking a small smile.
Genesis was more interested in his partner; a pretty lady in a grey skirt and a winning smile.
‘The Bible says there is rejoicing in heaven when one sinner comes to Christ…so believe me, there’s a party going on in heaven now, for your sakes.’ The man continued. ‘My name is Olatunji and I am in charge of the follow-up team. Since you have taken this decision, we know you would need some pointers and you would have questions on what to do next. We wouldn’t want to leave you clueless… so beginning today you would each be assigned personal follow-up mentors. Their duty is to look after your spiritual welfare for a period of twelve weeks after which we can be sure that to an extent you’re ready to stand on your own. During these eight weeks, they would tutor you in the necessary basics of Christianity and salvation. Their job is to keep you saved with the help of the Holy Spirit. They are also on ground to answer whatever questions you have and make you as comfortable as possible in the body of Christ. See them as your personal mentors and the next twelve weeks is like a crash course in Christianity, they would observe your spiritual welfare and make recommendations if necessary. Your follow-up mentor should be your second best friend starting from today.’
Olatunji spoke in a mechanical monologue that made Genesis wonder how many times he’d made that speech.
‘So we’d be passing a form around, we need you to fill that form and then we can proceed with the pairings.’ It was Ms. Pretty who spoke now.
‘The reason for this is that we want you to take the decision you took today serious. This might be too much for you to take in now, you might feel ambushed…’
Damn right I do, Genesis wanted to say as he stared at the form given to him.
‘But really the idea here is to make you realise that this is the best decision you’d ever make in your entire life. The next three months would be to open your eyes to the wonders and beauty of Christianity,’ Ms. Pretty continued.
‘Your mentor would be your prayer partner, teacher, study partner. Basically the grace upon their lives should rub off on you. As much as it is inn their power, they’re to help you grow this period. According to Apostle Paul in First Peter 2:2 as new born babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.’ Olatunji said.
Genesis sighed. These people sounded so damn organised it scared him. He didn’t need any mentor shadowing his every move for three frigging months! He hoped he hadn’t got more than he bargained for. He had to find a way out of this mess.
‘Please if you have any questions, feel free to ask.’ Ms Pretty said.
There were no questions except for Genesis unspoken question; how do I get the heck outta here?
‘Good. So I assume we understand each other. Thank you so very much for taking this step. We are so happy to have you with us. Now, to the pairings.’
Genesis had already made up his mind to not continue with the mentorship crap. He didn’t need no mentoring, he didn’t even need Jesus.
‘Please, brother Genesis indicate by waving your hand,’ Olatunji called.
The ‘brother’ before his name made Genesis want to puke. He waved his right hand, bored.
‘Ah, there you are. Sister Lola, that’s your convert. You know what to do.’
Genesis glanced around, wondering who Sister Lola was.
When he saw her, he knew he had certainly hit jackpot this time around.

*****
Lola Ajibade turned out to be a delightful pixie of a woman. Her Anita Baker haircut made her hot in a celebrity kind of way and to add to that, she had hips to die for, complemented by her rotund ass.
Three minutes into their conversation, she told Genesis to drop the ‘sister’ tag and simply call her name.
‘I hope by the time this mentorship is over, you’d find every reason to remain in the body of Christ,’ she said, shaking his hand.
Her palm was soft and tiny in his.
‘I sure will,’ he said, giving her a once-over.
He was thinking how small she was, how small she would be beneath him. He noticed her lips as she spoke, mainly because she bit them unconsciously. They were the pouty kind, like they craved a thorough massage by a fellow lip.
Her breasts were not impressive in size, barely jutting out beneath her plaid shirt, but he surmised that her ass more than made up for it. You could never have it all, he had come to find out.
Women came in packages and no package is the perfect ten.
‘So, where do we start?’ she had bright buttony eyes. ‘Um… introductions. I’m Lola Ajibade and I am Yoruba from Osun state. I’ve been with Grace Assembly for four years and it’s been amazing.’
‘Well, I’m Genesis Uba and er…I am an engineer.’
She gave a small laugh, ‘that’s all you have to share? Or you want to take it one step at a time?’
‘One step at a time, please.’
‘Oh…cool. Well, we have three months to get to know each other so no hurry.’ She rubbed her palms together. ‘We have to come up with a schedule. I’m supposed to be meeting with you thrice a week, to have our lessons. I am a journalist so my time is a bit flexible…what days of the week would be convenient for you?’
‘Lessons?’
‘Yes. We call it Salvation Classes, only this time you have a personal teacher in me,’ she tapped him playfully. ‘Don’t look so sad. I promise I’m not that bad.’
He couldn’t help laughing. If only she knew he was thinking in double entendres.
‘Erm…let’s see. How long would these classes take every time we meet?’ he asked, maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
‘An hour thirty minutes max. We understand that you have other things to do.’
‘I like that you are very understanding.’
She eyed him, ‘why do I feel like you’re making fun of…me?’
‘Ah, make fun of my second best friend? Far be it from me, sister.’ But there was a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.
‘Okay, drop the sister thing before I start calling you brother Genesis. Ehen, what kind of name is that sef? No offense oh.’
‘I was wondering when you’d ask,’ he smiled. ‘Let’s just say my mum was a big fan of the first books of the testaments.’
‘Seriously? I should meet her, I love her already!’
Genesis laughed again. Service had ended and they were standing outside the church premises, talking.
‘Well, now you know.’
‘Okay, let’s conclude on our classes. What time would suit you, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays?’
In his mind’s eye, Genesis saw his weekends over the next three months being given a grand funeral. Salvation classes from Friday through Sunday? Kill me already!
Well, he would have to make some sacrifices if he wanted to complete his spiri-koko quest. Maybe he could give her a few salvation classes herself. Now that didn’t sound so bad.
‘That’s fine. We’d work around it,’ he replied eventually.
‘Venue?’
‘Eh?’
‘Like, where would suit you best? We could use the church premises or a library or somewhere we can just sit and study.’
‘Or my house,’ he said, his face set to not give away the sinful thoughts in his heart.

To Be Continued…

Mimi A.

The Club Of God- Fearing Men – 6

He did not want to believe he was imagining her, or that his subconscious had conjured up her presence.

“Guy!” someone nudged him again.

He snapped out of his semi-trance and looked back at his friends; his first instinct was to tell them who she was, but then again, what use was it? How would he tell his boys that the first woman that had caught his eye in the church was a mother of two? They would laugh him out of the room.

He had always been known for his ability to cut a clean deal with the women he dabbled with. Tango was the one who usually had a lot of woman drama because he couldn’t seem to keep his pants zipped. There was always one lady out to get back at him for something he had done. He could be likened to Barney Stinson from the popular sitcom How I Met Your Mother.

“Ermm…I…never see any correct babe yet.” He stuttered, dragging his eyes from Abbey who was now entering the club fully with the dude in earrings.

“Why you dey dull now? You don start to dey chuk eye to find Miss World for inside church abi?” Sly asked.

The type of women he frolicked about with were not necessarily the Miss Worlds’ of their generation, his friends knew he could be picky when it came to women even if it was going to be a fling.

As much as he admired women with big hips, balloon sized boobs and a pretty face; he was easily turned on by a woman who could stimulate him intellectually.

If after sleeping with a woman, all she could talk about was how ‘big’ he was, how ‘good’ he was, how ‘sexy’ he was, Genesis knew he wouldn’t last long with her.

Once, there was a woman he had an affair with for ten months, which was a huge deal for Genesis. He had met Ifeyinwa at a business conference organized for engineers, dominated by men. Ifeyinwa had been one of the two women at the one week conference, the other woman was married.

She wasn’t beautiful in the conventional way; her curves were minimal, her boobs were not much bigger than the size of an average mango. In fact he often teased her that her brains were bigger than her boobs.

So it wasn’t beauty that attracted him to Ify; it was the question she asked during one of the seminars at the conference. A question that had even the facilitator at the seminar, reeling in confusion.

His eventual answer had been, “let me get back to you on that, Miss.”

That singular act snagged Genesis attention. He knew he just had to meet her, he had to talk to her, he had to or he would die of not-knowing.

Their first conversation literally blew him away, if he had thought he was smart before, Ify reduced him to mint-sized intelligence.

When she spoke about immiscible liquids and azeotropes, stuff they had learned in chemical engineering, Genesis felt the undisputable urge to kiss her.

When they finally had sex, for him, it was like she was a goddess and sleeping with her was an act of worship.

Ten months! And even when it ended it was because she had to travel out of the country. He didn’t know the plans he had for Ify then, but she had kept him active mentally and sexually longer than any other woman had in a long time.

His guys had teased him about her for months even after she left. They wondered if she had jazzed him because according to them, there were no assets to make her worth keeping around for nearly a year.

If only they knew.

He could dare to say that he had possibly come to the closest thing there was to love with Ify. If love could be classified as great sex and great brains, then hell yeah; he had been so much in love with Ify.

Personally, he felt love was overrated. He wasn’t a cynic, wasn’t one of those people who believed that love was a farce or a mirage. Nope, he believed that love existed. The kind there was between mother and child. The kind that gave without expecting something in return, just like the kind of love he had for his mother.

He knew there was nothing he couldn’t do for that woman, he didn’t know how or why but she was the closest thing to an idol he had. It was because of the intensity of the love he felt for his mother that he believed that no other woman could beat it.

He had tried loving someone else once, had even come close to marrying her, only to discover that she had been using him to get into her father’s Will.

The incident had stabbed Genesis’ confidence somewhat, that he could be a tool someone used, while he gave almost everything; his time, his heart, his little money, Lola had proven to him that no matter how much you give in ‘love’, it would never be enough.

He sighed as he thought of Lola, his first and possibly, only love. Lola, the manipulator. Whenever he looked back at what he had done for her all in the name of love, Genesis pinched himself. He hadn’t been in love, he had been stupid.

“…ladies and gentlemen, as is our tradition fortnightly, we have with us AB Plus who’s gonna light this place up with her feisty voice,” the voice cut through Genesis reverie, jerking his attention to the present. It was the ear ringed man; he was on the stage, his arm around Abbey’s shoulder.

AB Plus?

Now this was going to be interesting.

“AB Plus and I go way back. She’s got the voice of a nightingale, let’s show her some love!” there was a slight ripple of applause from the crowd as ear ringed man stepped down and Abbey took the mic.

“Hi everyone. I’d be doing a song I love so much by Whitney.” her voice settled on the audience like warm chocolate.

Genesis realized it was one of the things he found fascinating about her; her voice had an effect he couldn’t quite explain.

“Di babe fine oh,” Tango whispered, hoarse.

Genesis ignored him, his attention on Abbey. She closed her eyes, tilted her neck slightly, opened her mouth and began to sing.

“As I lay me down

Heaven hear me now,

I’m lost without a cause

After giving it my all…”

There was an eerie silence as she rounded off the song.

“I look to you,

I look to you

After all my strength is gone,

In you I can be strong,

I look to you…”

It was like something from another world had passed among them. Men who were usually rambunctious, who would whistle in derision more often than not after a soulful rendition like that; sat still, like boys awed by the sight of Santa.

Genesis felt it too. His eyes couldn’t leave her face.

She opened her eyes, looking around, she said with a poignant smile:

“Jesus still loves you.”

In that moment, Genesis could have sworn she was talking to him.

“Thank you for listening,” she said and then stepped down from the stage.

The club erupted in applause as she walked away; out of the corner of his eye, he saw men reaching out to shake her hand as she walked by them.

It was an odd sight. Handshakes at a club?

“What just happened?” Genesis heard Chris whisper.

“I dey come,” with that he stood abruptly and followed after Abbey.

He didn’t know what he was doing, in fact her seeing him here would surely blow his ‘Christian brother’ cover but what the heck, he knew he just had to talk to her.

“Hey, Abbey!” he called, hurrying after her.

She stopped and looked over her shoulders. Her face was flushed and beads of sweat formed on her forehead.

He caught up with her.

“Yes?”

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry, your name again?” she frowned.

“Ah and I thought my name was memorable,” he feigned hurt, placing a hand on his chest.

She gave a small laugh, shaking her head. “Truth is I can’t even remember where I met you.”

Genesis was calculating whether that was a good thing or not.

“Never mind. Buy you a drink?”

“No thanks, I don’t drink.”

“Oh come on, Chapman? It’s the least you deserve after such a rendition.”

“Who are you again?” she was facing him fully now, and even though the lights in the club was dim, he could see her face. And it was remarkable.

“Let me buy you a drink and I’d tell you,” he didn’t know why but he needed to talk to her. After a beat he added “please.”

She sighed. “One drink. I have…chores to do at home.”

Children, his brain corrected.

“Thank you. I won’t keep you long, I promise.” He slipped on his most charming smile.

“How about we just hang around here. Going further into the club is…well…I don’t need it.” She suggested, sliding into the nearest empty seat.

“Okay I’ll go get your drink,” he lingered a moment to look at her again, perhaps afraid that by the time he got back she’d be gone.

When he got back, she was still there but someone else was sitting with her. A burly man sat in the seat beside her, leaning forward as though listening raptly to what she was saying.

She looked up at Genesis, gave him a small smile and the finger sign for one minute.

Genesis was irked but he didn’t let it show. What was the man doing? And on time he had begged from her!

He set the drink quietly before her and took a seat, inclining his ear towards their discussion.

“He died because he loved us, not because we were good enough. So no matter how condemned you feel, God doesn’t condemn you. Only the devil does that. So Mr. Bamidele, it takes absolutely nothing to find your way back to God again. Trust me.”

Genesis shifted in his seat. What in deuces was this sorta of conversation?

“Listen, I can recommend a good church for you. I can give you my card to call if you have any questions about Christ or salvation. But…only that, Mr. Bamidele.”

Genesis listened to the man thank her profusely and stumble back into the club with his bulk.

“Sorry to keep you waiting…I just…kingdom business.” She placed her hand on the table, angling towards her drink.

“It’s okay,” he noticed her eyes were a dark hazel color. “So, what’s the story here? Why are you in a club singing Whitney Houston and preaching Jesus? It’s ironic.”

“It’s a long story and I really can’t get into it now, especially not with a familiar stranger.” She took a sip from her drink.

“My name is Genesis.”

“Aha! Now I remember! Wait…Grace Assembly?”

He inclined his head to show she was right.

“Wow. Wow. Coincidence, then?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Well, isn’t there something in the Bible about the Lord ordering the steps of the righteous?”

She laughed again, “nice one, Genesis.”

“So I am no stranger anymore and I am interested in that story. Can I buy five more minutes of your time?”

“Hmmm.” She glanced at her wrist. “I’m afraid not. We’d have to reschedule.”

“Uh…a date?”

“No, a story-telling appointment. I don’t do dates, Genesis.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll call you?”

“You have my card, yeah?”

He couldn’t tell her he had dropped it somewhere he couldn’t remember, so he lied.

She downed her drink and stood, “thanks for the drink, Genesis. I have to go now, though.”

“Wonderful singing again, I must say.” Although he thought wonderful was a light way of describing her rendition.

“Thank you,” with a slight bow, she disappeared into the night; leaving Genesis staring at the space where she sat only a moment ago.

To Be Continued…

Mimi A.

The Club Of God- Fearing Men- 5

Genesis week was usually busy; living in Lagos had taught him to be quick on his feet. He left home most mornings before 6 am so he could make it to his office on or before 8 am and even though he usually closed work by 5pm, he didn’t usually get home till sometime around 7pm depending on what day of the week it was.

So it was little wonder that during the week he had little or no time to socialize, well, apart from flirting with the ladies that worked with him, people whom he tired of seeing their work-hardened faces every day, he had no other means to sate his natural affinity to women.

Which was why he looked forward to weekends; Fridays were usually eventful for him. He and the boys hung out at any club they chose; drinking, talking, laughing and he usually left the club with a woman on his arm and if she was lucky, in his bed.

Some of them made it to his arm, but ended up in the restroom stall or the back of his car, depending on how drunk she was. He was a man who liked to be in control; as much as he liked the women, picking up women when drunk wasn’t his thing.

In fact, getting drunk or stoned wasn’t his thing, generally. That was more Tango’s thing. He wondered how his friend still kept his body fit for the modeling jobs he did.

This Friday, they had agreed to try out a club/bar/whatchamacallit. Among the quartet; only he and Chris had cars of their own. Tango didn’t like driving, he said he preferred the adrenaline rush that came from jumping into Danfo buses and he was more likely to meet women in transit than from the comfort of a private car. They would think he was a serial killer or something if he tried picking them up; yes, his body could be bad news like that.

Genesis often wondered if Tango’s mum had birthed him through the right part of her body, because the things he said and did were like he was from another planet.

Sly, on the other hand, was saving up to buy a land which according to him, was on the top of his priority list.

Apparently, he had a phobia for living in rented houses because of what he and his family had suffered when he was still little. His one obsession was to become a landlord soon.

“Being a landlord can mean just owning your land. That’s the first step. If I have my own land now, I can open canopy there and be sleeping under and nobody will disturb me. That option is still better than living in some ugly, hungry pot-bellied man’s house.”

They arrived at the bar in twos, Genesis picked up Sly from Maryland on his way from work and Chris picked Tango up from his latest modeling company. They had agreed to do a small briefing on Operation Nail a Spirikoko Woman that evening.

Genesis wasn’t much looking forward to it mostly because he hadn’t yet found the woman, he had tossed Abbey’s card inside one of his jacket pockets when he got home from church that Sunday.

He had made up his mind, she was no-go area. A widow and a single mum? C’mon, he wasn’t looking to start a charity organization here. He’d find someone else; he had after all seen some prospective women at that Grace Assembly church on Sunday. Abbey could go to hell, for all he cared.

They arrived at the club early. It was just 9pm and on a Friday night, the club was supposed to be vomiting human beings like a volcanic eruption.

Genesis loved it. The mesh of bodies grinding against each other on the dance floor, the opportunities to grope and cop a feel without being labeled a pervert. Heck, he’d had women grab his ass on the dance floor and pretend it was a mistake; baby, please make that mistake often, he always thought.

Tonight though, he took one look at the setup of the club and knew this was not a regular club.

He turned to Chris since he had been the one to suggest this place; “Guy wetin be dis na? Dem get live band for hia!”

“That’s the beauty, Gen.” Chris was a teacher in a secondary school and avoided speaking pidgin so much because he said it affected him while teaching at school. He knew an English teacher who had been fired because she slipped in pidgin while she taught her class. “No be every time pesin go listen to pirated music. Trust me, their bar here na wa.”

Genesis sighed. Of all his friends, Chris was the softest and most loveable. He had a big heart that Genesis often envied. While the rest of them ran after women just for the heck of it, Chris actually cared. Women are to be treated like treasure chests, he often said in a melancholic tone.

It was no surprise, he had five sisters. He was probably hoping that if he treated the girls he met nicely, some other dude would do the same for his sisters.

“Una dey dull pesin. Abeg I need a drink,” with that Tango pushed past them and headed towards the bar.

“If we needed live band eh, Chris, we for go church. Dem plenty for dia.” Sly punched him playfully and followed behind Tango.

“Drink?” Chris asked Genesis as they scouted around for seats.

“Vodka and juice. Make I go find table,” both men parted ways.

Genesis particularly liked the twirling multi-coloured lights. He also liked the fact that the club had an outdoor setting. The platform for the live band was sheltered in a small brown alcove with dazzling lights. The dance floor was a few paces away from the platform.

He patted his pocket as he settled into a table with four chairs. Friday nights were usually so crazy that if you were too drunk or too careless, they’d pick everything off you; your phone, wallet, ATM cards, every damn thing.

His first attempt at clubbing had been like that, he had gone with an older friend who had promised to pay for everything. The friend’s pocket had been picked while two girls draped themselves over him, with boobs ogling at him. Genesis remembered sneaking out of the club when he realized what had happened.

“Oya, hafar?” his friends had returned, each nursing a drink. Chris handed a glass to him and Genesis downed it, grateful for the chill as it travelled down his throat.

“Any luck?” Sly continued. “I don see church, see babe join sef.”

Genesis listened with rapt attention as Sly recounted his escapades. Genesis could tell that Sly’s church tilted more towards RCR because the girl that had caught Sly’s attention didn’t wear trousers and had her hair bundled under a heavy scarf.

“Her legs na die! Jesus! As we dey talk, I just dey imagine say I dey use tongue dey romance di leg.”

As he said that, a quick picture of Abbey flashed into Genesis’ mind’s eye and he sighed, involuntarily.

“So, wetin be di plan?” Tango asked.

“I dey go di church next Sunday na. From dia we go see.”

Chris was next. He was still going after the girl that had caught his attention before. For him, it was no game. Yes, he wanted to conquer but there was something more.

“There’s something about her that just…I no even know sef.” He shook his head, bewildered.

Tango was apparently finding it difficult to blend into a church. Churches irritated him, he said. Coupled with the fact that his body was quite er…obvious, girls gravitated towards him more often than not.

“How I wan take find spirikoko babe when all of dem dey hustle for me?” he lamented. “Even in church!”

“Look for di one wey no dey hustle you. Na she be real spirikoko,” Sly advised.

“What if dem no dey? What if…they all want some of this?” he puffed his chest out in a comical way.

His friends laughed.

“One go dey wey no want. And even if she want, she no go dey follow you like monkey.” Genesis said.

“Oya, talk ya own. You don find church abi babe?” Tango asked.

Genesis paused. He had found the church, right? The babe nko?

As he opened his mouth to tell them no, he hadn’t found the woman yet, he spotted her.

She had just entered and stood in the walkway, beside a man who had earrings on. She looked a little different from when he saw her on Sunday, she was clad in jeans and t-shirt and sneakers.

What the heck was she doing here?

“Guy, wetin you dey look?” Sly nudged him.

His mouth opened and closed again, the words didn’t come out.

Whoever had said he would forget about Abbey the singer so soon had been lying. She was here, in the flesh. At the club!

To Be Continued…

Mimi A.

The Club Of God- Fearing Men – 4

His belle turned out to be a visiting singer from some other church. Her name was Abbey.

He spent half the service fantasizing about her, the moment she mounted the auditorium, he let his mind wander.

So what did it matter that she was from another church? All it was going to take was for him to move base to whatever church she was attending. He thought singing made her sexy. Maybe she’d sing out a few lines for him when they were in his bed with her long legs wrapped around…

The moment she began to speak, not sing, Genesis knew that this one was one of God’s closest. He had heard many people preach and before long, he deciphered that they were wannabe motivational speakers. They ‘preached’ just to get the crowd excited, they lied to them that the moment they became Christians, the millions would roll in, say bye-bye to a life of troubles. Jesus will take all the troubles away.

And some desperados bought that lie hook line and sinker.

This woman spoke like she knew what she was talking about, not like she had read from some handbook and was only reciting what she had read. She spoke like one who had firsthand knowledge and experience of the God she served and that made her more appealing to Genesis.

“Sometimes we look at our lives as believers and we wonder why we are. So many questions; why, where, when, how, who. I remember a period I was going through dark times and I asked myself many questions. Why did God take interest in me? What was so special about me?” she paused for effect, then said; “and this song by Marvin Sapp came to me…He saw the best in me, when everyone else around could only see the worst in me.”

She didn’t sound corny. Or maybe he was just biased by her great shape or was it her voice?

“Listen to me good, people. God doesn’t care how messy your life is or how messed up you are, He’s provided a solution even before you knew it. He sees you through His eyes. All you need to do is accept the solution He provided and live your life free of guilt. Do you understand me?”

It was no surprise that she had the congregation spellbound, heck he was too.

When she began to sing, Genesis could have sworn he was transported to heaven, or somewhere close to it. He had come prepared for something but definitely not this. He had not prepared to actually enjoy himself. This was supposed to be a game; he was supposed to get in, find the woman and get out. He wasn’t supposed to mingle, wasn’t supposed to join these people in waving their hands like he actually cared, wasn’t supposed to move his body to the rhythm of her song.

And yet he was.

If not for the fact that the picture of her, naked except for thongs; was dancing across his mind, he would have sworn he had been converted by mistake. He imagined her singing in his ears, her tongue darting slowly across his earlobe.

It was with this picture plastered firmly in his mind that he approached her as soon as the service was over. Good thing his mother had built this insane confidence in him, he wasn’t afraid to approach a woman he found attractive especially if he thought he had a chance with her. It didn’t matter how many scriptures she spewed out, he had more than enough to match hers.

She was sitting in the black leather seat provided for her, somewhere in the Pastor’s corner; gulping water from a bottle.

“Hi,” she stopped as she saw him. Then she smiled, her eyes folded lightly in a cute way.

“Hello,” he put out his hand to sake hers. “I just wanted you to know that I was really blessed by your song today. It was so inspiring.”

He knew the right words to say to not sound carnal. People like this liked to hear how much their singing blessed you; it made them feel like they were doing God’s work for real.

“I’m glad, thank you. All glory to God.” She shook his hand, her grip was meaty.

“And I must say you have a lovely voice.”

Throw in a personal compliment that she’d have to acknowledge instead of shifting it to God.

She smiled again “Thank you. And what’s your name?”

“Genesis.” He paused, waiting for the why-did-your-parents-name-you-that reaction.

“Wow,” she looked at him then, her eyes taking in his features that she had possibly ignored before, probably wondering what was so spectacular about him to be named Genesis.

“I get that a lot,” he replied, bestowing her with a winning smile.

At that moment, two girls scurried up to them, ensconced in pony tails and frilly dresses.

“Mummy, see! Look what they gave us!”

Genesis eyes widened. What the blazes? Mu- what?

Both girls climbed into her laps, giggling and holding out their parcels. She laughed, pulling them to her.

“Girls, mummy would see it later, okay? Now, Mummy is talking. Oya greet this uncle.”

As the girls greeted him, Genesis thought how this resembled a story from a bad sitcom. How could this gorgeous no-excess fat woman, be a mother of not one but two girls? How could he not have foreseen that she was married? Or was she a single mother?

“Hello girls, are you twins?” it was a lame question. But all he could think of at the moment

“Everyone sees that,” girl 1 replied, with an attitude.

“Amber! Oya, go and wait for me with Auntie Joke, we’ll soon go home.” With that their mother urged them off her laps.

“Pretty,” his former enthusiasm had waned.

“With big mouths too. They just turned seven last month and it’s been like a whirlwind. So, Genesis, how long have you been attending Grace Assembly?”

He couldn’t concentrate on this discussion especially not while he was wondering if she was married or not.

If she was married, he would back out. As much as he liked games, Genesis respected the institution of marriage. He had watched his mother deal with his father’s infidelity for over a decade and it had torn at his heart.

“Why won’t you leave him, Mummy?” he asked, often.

“And then what? Marry again? Or be lonely for the rest of my life?”

“You deserve better.”

“I have better. Some women have husbands who beat them. Your father is a good man and he keeps me warm at night. He respects me; he doesn’t bring those women home.”

“And that’s enough for you?”

He couldn’t understand how a woman who had raised him to be fiercely confident could be this…this…meek and accepting.

“How’s your husband?” he blurted before he could stop himself. His eyes sought out her ring finger. Sure enough, it bore a gold band. How had he missed it? Had he been too taken with her looks to see what was so obvious?

A smile crept into her face and she said; “He’s with the Lord.”

Translation: he don kpai.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about this news.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” he stumbled on the words.

“Don’t be.” She glanced at her wrist and Genesis took the hint.

“I would love to talk more with you. Dinner, maybe? I know it’s unconventional and well…unexpected but I just think there’s a lot I can learn from you.” He was blabbing, he knew. But he couldn’t go ahead and say; ‘please I made a bet with friends, I think you’re hot and would like to take you to bed right this minute.’

She dug in her handbag and handed him a small card.

“You can reach me on any of those numbers. Nice meeting you Genesis.”

His eyes followed her bum discreetly as she walked away from him.

What now, Gen?

To Be Continued….

Mimi. A.

The Club Of God- Fearing Men- 3

Genesis was not exactly a connoisseur of churches but he had been to his fair share of them to know which was which. He had also grown up with a righteous, religious mother.

http://www.zazzle.com

He knew there were different kinds of churches. The body of Christ had long divided itself, he observed.

There was the come-as-you-are type of church, those ones were well populated with all kinds of people. They had the good, bad and ugly. They were the ones that cared about who wore what and who drove what kind of car to church. The pastor would usually be a thirty-ish man with sleek suits, a darn beautiful wife and permed hair. He would be the type who jumped up and down the pulpit and talked about how much God wanted you to be rich.

That was the kind of church he preferred generally. Whenever he chose to not spend Sundays at hoe, whenever he felt he needed a cleansing of some sort; he would find one come-as-you-are church and fix himself.

He had once dated a girl who attended one of those churches. Her name was Lois and she was crazy about marriage more than she was about him. He had been twenty four then, certainly not thinking about marriage, but of course she hadn’t known that. She dragged him to church one day and promptly introduced him to her pastor as her ‘missing rib’. Genesis had almost choked on suppressed laughter that day.

“Are you born again, young man?” the Pastor had asked.

“He goes to church, sir.” Lois had said before he could reply.

Again, Genesis hid a snicker. The pastor was asking the wrong person that question

‘Have you confessed Jesus with your mouth and believed Him in your heart?” the Pastor had asked, still solemn.

Yes, he wanted to say. Lois and I confessed together last night, in my bed. She confessed my name with her mouth and the orgasm I gave her almost made her heart explode. She literally got born again in my bed last night. So yes, that counts.

“Yes sir,” he said instead with a barely-straight face.

And that was it. The Pastor had given them their blessing. Genesis had walked out of the church that day, warning Lois never to ambush him that way and in fact, breaking up their relationship.

So yes, he had a lot of experience with CAYA churches.

The second type of church he had witnessed was the Republic Of Church Repellants. Those types could smell sin from afar. They would look at you with what he called the Eye of Judgment and write you off instantly by the way you look on the outside. They were the type that would out rightly quote the-soul-that-sinneth-shall-die.

These types he did not like because the men dressed like underfed herbalists with faded or jump-up trousers and sometimes had irreparable body odour. Their mouth odour was the type that came from too much fasting that it had become the permanent smell of their mouths. They believed going to heaven was something that required looking tattered on earth. He had met so many of them while he was in the University and they disgusted him with their overly loud praying habits, the many fires they set to their enemies and the way they pretended they did not masturbate in the privacy of their rooms.

The ladies on the other hand dressed like sadists, like they’d been told that wearing colorful dresses was a mortal sin. They dressed in pleated ash skirts that hid their buxom (if any) asses and turtleneck shirts without shapes. They dressed like they were mourning the Jesus who died instead of celebrating the one who lived.

http://www.religifake.com

His mother, he felt was a good example. He had never seen a woman so devoted to God and yet so fashionable. She had lived with their unbelieving father for many years and had managed to remain in the faith, as she often reminded Genesis and his brother. Truth be told he was looking for a woman like his mother. One who would be so dedicated to God and yet everything about her screamed romanticism. Someone that would be sexy but totally unaware of it. Someone who would look him in the face and throw his bullshit right back at him.

Not someone who faked spirikoko-ism, but someone who truly was.

That would be the true challenge.

So when he walked into the church he had decided on, for that Sunday, Genesis’ church sensors went up. The man who welcomed him at the door, smiling politely was dressed in a worthy outfit of jeans and a shirt.

Good, at least these ones didn’t consider wearing jeans a sin.

He smiled back at the brother and was passed on to the next usher; a lady this time, in smart jeans and a shirt too.

Apparently, it was jeans Sunday. He groaned within as he saw that most of the congregation was clad in jeans.

It must be a special program. He thought, taking his seat beside a lady whose head was bowed.

In the few seconds it took for him to survey his environment, he knew he had hit jackpot. This was it.

All he had to do was wait for the choir to come upstage or upaltar, or whatever they called it these days and he would know if the deal was sealed.

Time to settle into play acting. He closed his eyes and joined in the prayer frenzy with one eye open.

Just as he was getting restless that the prayer session was getting too long, he spotted her through the space in his hands.

She had just walked in, her right hand clutching her purse. She whispered something to an usher and continued walking; past him. On her head, was a baseball cap, matching her casual outfit to a tee.

He shifted his position to get a good look at her.

Darn, she was beautiful, he thought. Jackpot, baby.

His eyes followed her as she continued to the front. Her bum was obscured by the overlapping long shirt but he could tell from her hips that she had a fairly big bum.

But why she had to go all the way to the front, he had no idea. Was she one of those women that loved to sit up close to listen to the Pastor?

Oh well, he was about to find out.

To Be Continued…

Mimi .A.

The Club Of God-Fearing Men – 2

When he was six, Genesis had given his life to Christ before the congregation of children. It was his first attempt at that and he could faintly recall the childish excitement that had plowed through him as he stood among others, bowing his head and repeating those words after the children teacher.
He had taken the life back fifteen days later, or so he believed, when he had stolen a piece of meat from his father’s covered bowl of soup.
His father was not religious, it was his mother that took him and his brother to church every Sunday while his father sat at home, smoking cigars and reading the sports section of the papers.
He had once asked who named him Genesis and his mother had confessed that she had always wanted to name her children after significant books of the Bible. She had named him Genesis because he was the first; named his brother Matthew because he was the beginning of new things a.k.a new testament. She had admitted that if she had a girl, she’d have named her Ruth or Dorcas, the purple woman.
In a way, Genesis appreciated his name and the illusion it often created. People automatically assumed that he was a good person whenever he mentioned his name. After all, how could one answer a name as significant as Genesis and still be bad?
He had his first girlfriend when he was eleven; her name was Amarachi and she was two years older with breasts the size of agbalumo which he was awed by; her skin was the colour of one who barely escaped albinoism- yellowish red. She was the newest girl in class, older than most of them because her father was a contractor who moved around a lot, causing adverse effects on his family.
Genesis had known he was very good-looking early in life; his mother boasted about her sons every moment possible. She would stand them in front of the rectangular mirror in her room and tell them they were the most beautiful boys’ a mother could ever wish to have. She would proceed to point out the ‘beautiful’ parts of them. Their pointy nose, their nearly-pink lips, their straight legs, their full head of hair and their brains.
‘You are both very intelligent, do you know?’ she would say. ‘My children cannot be dummies. If anybody calls you dummy, tell them you are smart.’
By the time Genesis was eleven, he was a confident boy, comfortable in his skin. He knew what he was and nobody could take it away from him.
Till date, he mentally thanked his mother for building that confidence in them.
He gave his life for the third time when he was fifteen. The church his mother had been attending then had done an outdoor movie show where they played the movie ‘Burning Hell’.
The movie had been so vivid and fear-inducing that even those who had given their lives to Christ before, rushed out to give it again the moment the Pastor made an altar call.
Genesis couldn’t sleep for three days without hearing the sounds of those screams from hell. And each time he woke up, he begged God to forgive him and not throw him into hell.
The fear lasted exactly two weeks and he began to slip back into his old ways. The dreams stopped, the memory of the movie faded and he slowly but surely took his life back from Christ.
Since then he hadn’t given it again. He had sailed through university living the life of a man who liked his women, who knew what he had to offer and who wasn’t willing to relent on the fullness of life.
Genesis liked games and most of all, he was smart. That was another reason the ladies liked him. He was the one they came to for tutorials when exams were closing in.
The challenge of nailing a spiri-koko sister was one that sent adrenaline rushing through his veins. He was twenty-five, still virile and not looking to start a family so soon. Games like these, were what made life very interesting.
As he got ready for church that day, he replayed his plan in his head again.
He had not shared with his friends his strategy.
He would find the church, attend service there, twice at most and then miraculously ‘give’ his life to Christ in public glare. He would be touched by the sermon and kneel in reverence before God. His acting had to be top-notch to convince any potential prey.
A true spiri-koko woman, would not want to pass him up. He wasn’t just good looking; he had now confessed Christ in front of the church successfully denouncing his unbelieving ways. They would rejoice for him
She would no longer see the do- not- be unequally -yoked scripture as a barrier.
And he didn’t plan to target the choristers. Those ones with their cheap notice-me tactics, were all for the taking. One strike and they would fall without a challenge.
His plan was fool proof. He was sure that he won’t even need to approach the sisters with the abrasiveness of a hunter, they would come to him. Then he would pick his challenge.
He whistled to himself as he knotted his tie. First rule of the game; look responsible. A responsible unbeliever is more likely to get attention than a haphazardly dressed one.
‘I don set o,’ he called out, to Sly.
‘Which church you dey enter today?’ Sly emerged, dressed poorly, in Genesis opinion.
‘Hin dey Opebi side. I been see am as I dey come from work on Thursday,’ he opened his cupboard, took out a shirt and threw it at Sly. ‘Guy change that shirt, abeg. Why you dey fall my hand na? Na church you dey go, you wan make dem look you like pesin wey something dey worry abi?’
Sly shrugged, pulling off his own shirt. ‘De church wey I dey go, na so dem dey dress.’
‘That shirt no be am at all. E no follow abeg. Change am. Simple. And next time you wan come spend weekend for hia, carry beta cloth come.’
In two minutes, they were ready. While Sly slid into blue loafers that matched his jeans; Genesis wore his suede shoe that he kept for special occasions or work.
He had a good feeling about today, about this church. It might be the one.
His fingers tinkled with excitement as he locked the door behind them and set out.
Hello ladies, here I come.

To Be Continued.

Mimi. A. (C) 2015

Lookout For Miss Right- 19

We dug in our heels facing each other; I could see the challenge in her eyes. How on earth did I manage to get myself involved with such women? I wondered.
“Get out, Jake,” she said in a quieter tone. “You have no right to judge me”
I looked at her wistfully, I no longer saw the beautiful girl who had caught my eye; instead I saw an unscrupulous woman who didn’t care who saw her nakedness. In my eyes, she was cheap and used.
Without another word, I walked out of the house, making up my mind never to return.

I drove to Oscar’s feeling like shit. The time was almost nine pm. I didn’t know how to face Femi, but I knew I had to tell him the truth instead of letting Barbs do it. She was bound to tell some lies. That wasn’t the only reason I wanted to tell my friend the truth… I knew it was the right thing to do. Femi and I had been friends for as long as I could remember, it was no use losing a friendship this beautiful over a woman who was undeserving of us both.

    I knocked on the door and Flores opened it; almost immediately, she flew into my arms, hugging me tightly. I don’t know why; but I suddenly felt like crying. Weird, right? But hey, I’m only human and I needed to ease myself of the burden on my heart. Believe it or not, these past days with Sonia and now, Barbara…had caused some sort of emotional strain for me. I had looked forward to this weekend with my friends to get my sanity back, instead I had blown it.
At that point, I knew what I needed the most were my friends. Finally, Flores let go of me and peered up at my face.
“Come in. Where have you been?” She held my arm and pulled me inside. “We’ve been calling! Why would you just go off like that?!”
She was behaving exactly like my mum would, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I think I craved it. I needed someone to talk some sense into me.
“I’m sorry,” I apologised.
That was when I noticed Oscar and Femi in the living room.
“Hey guys,” I said.
Oscar stood and walked up to me. He looked terrible; his eyes were red and swollen.
“I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I know you were just trying to help.” He said.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.” I replied, placing a hand on his shoulder. My friend was in pain and I could see it. “Are you okay?”
“If you mean, ‘has he gotten over Abbey?’ Then, no.” Flores replied, a worried look on her face.
We all moved fully into the living room and sat down.
“He told us everything,” Femi said. “Stupid of him to end their engagement, even I know that.”
“It wasn’t my finest moment,” Oscar said. “But I don’t know what to do. I feel betrayed, like she played me.”
“Do you love her?” I asked.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” He replied. “More than life itself. But is love enough?”
None of us had the answer to that question. The truth is; we all felt betrayed. Abbey had lied to our friend about something very serious. As much as we sympathised with her, we loved our friend more, and seeing him hurt was hurting us too.
At that moment, Femi’s phone rang and from the ensuing conversation, I knew it was Barbara. She had been bluffing after all. He hung up and I felt the guilt again.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“Barbs. She wants me to come over,” he replied.
“And?” I pressed.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “And…nothing. We have a major crisis here and I can’t leave. I’ll see her tomorrow.”
At that point, I admired Femi immensely. My friend wasn’t stupid after all. I, on the other hand, felt stupid. I had let myself get sucked in with Barbs’ antics. I knew now was the moment of truth.
I cleared my throat.
“I guess, now isn’t the right time to say this, but I really need to get it off my chest.” I began.
They all looked up at me.
I turned to Femi; “I owe you an apology.”
“For?” he asked.
“I was with Barbs this evening. After I left here I went to a restaurant to eat, I don’t know how she found me but she did. I’m not gonna say she’s responsible for whatever…”
“What happened, Jake? What did you guys do?” It was Flores who spoke this time, and I could hear the disappointment creeping into her voice.
“Nothing, technically.” I said, trying to avoid the accusing looks on my friends’ face.
“Technically?” Femi asked.
The whole story came pouring out of me; I didn’t leave any word of it out. I told them what Barbs’ told me about Sonia, and how the fight eventually ended.
When I was done, no one said a word. I could imagine what was going through their minds.
“C’mon you guys, I’d rather you crucify me than give me the silent treatment,” I said. “I’m sorry, I know I messed up.”
“Why do you think I didn’t want you to have anything to do with her in the first place?” Femi asked after a while. “You think it’s because I care about her? Ha! It’s you I’m worried about. It’s you I care about. I’ve always known my step- sister was loose. She doesn’t deserve you”
I was speechless. What could I say? My friend had just proved that he was smarter than I thought, possibly even smarter than me.
“I’m going to bed,” Oscar announced, standing.
“Don’t be tempted to commit suicide ooh,” Flores said.
He gave a small smile. “I’ll let you know if I’m thinking about it.”
“Everything is going to be alright,” Flores said, in her motherly voice. “We’re going to figure out a way to make this right.”
Oscar nodded and went into the bedroom. Femi retired next, after another apology from me. Flores and I were left alone, she didn’t talk to me. I could feel the disappointment emanating from her.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked sheepishly. I respected her immensely; I didn’t want to spoil her opinion of me.
“Should I be?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe…I don’t know”
“Good.” She stood. “I’m going to bed. Good-night”
Without waiting for a reply, she went inside.
When I finally slept, it was a short and tumultuous sleep. I had a series of bad dreams which featured Sonia and Barbs. Just as I was beginning to enjoy my sleep, I was awoken by a push. My eyes flew open instantly.
Femi was looking down at me.
“Something wrong?” I asked groggily.
“It’s Abbey. Oscar just got a call that she’s been rushed to the hospital. We’re going with him.”

To be continued.

MIMI .A.