Genesis was not exactly a connoisseur of churches but he had been to his fair share of them to know which was which. He had also grown up with a righteous, religious mother.
He knew there were different kinds of churches. The body of Christ had long divided itself, he observed.
There was the come-as-you-are type of church, those ones were well populated with all kinds of people. They had the good, bad and ugly. They were the ones that cared about who wore what and who drove what kind of car to church. The pastor would usually be a thirty-ish man with sleek suits, a darn beautiful wife and permed hair. He would be the type who jumped up and down the pulpit and talked about how much God wanted you to be rich.
That was the kind of church he preferred generally. Whenever he chose to not spend Sundays at hoe, whenever he felt he needed a cleansing of some sort; he would find one come-as-you-are church and fix himself.
He had once dated a girl who attended one of those churches. Her name was Lois and she was crazy about marriage more than she was about him. He had been twenty four then, certainly not thinking about marriage, but of course she hadn’t known that. She dragged him to church one day and promptly introduced him to her pastor as her ‘missing rib’. Genesis had almost choked on suppressed laughter that day.
“Are you born again, young man?” the Pastor had asked.
“He goes to church, sir.” Lois had said before he could reply.
Again, Genesis hid a snicker. The pastor was asking the wrong person that question
‘Have you confessed Jesus with your mouth and believed Him in your heart?” the Pastor had asked, still solemn.
Yes, he wanted to say. Lois and I confessed together last night, in my bed. She confessed my name with her mouth and the orgasm I gave her almost made her heart explode. She literally got born again in my bed last night. So yes, that counts.
“Yes sir,” he said instead with a barely-straight face.
And that was it. The Pastor had given them their blessing. Genesis had walked out of the church that day, warning Lois never to ambush him that way and in fact, breaking up their relationship.
So yes, he had a lot of experience with CAYA churches.
The second type of church he had witnessed was the Republic Of Church Repellants. Those types could smell sin from afar. They would look at you with what he called the Eye of Judgment and write you off instantly by the way you look on the outside. They were the type that would out rightly quote the-soul-that-sinneth-shall-die.
These types he did not like because the men dressed like underfed herbalists with faded or jump-up trousers and sometimes had irreparable body odour. Their mouth odour was the type that came from too much fasting that it had become the permanent smell of their mouths. They believed going to heaven was something that required looking tattered on earth. He had met so many of them while he was in the University and they disgusted him with their overly loud praying habits, the many fires they set to their enemies and the way they pretended they did not masturbate in the privacy of their rooms.
The ladies on the other hand dressed like sadists, like they’d been told that wearing colorful dresses was a mortal sin. They dressed in pleated ash skirts that hid their buxom (if any) asses and turtleneck shirts without shapes. They dressed like they were mourning the Jesus who died instead of celebrating the one who lived.
His mother, he felt was a good example. He had never seen a woman so devoted to God and yet so fashionable. She had lived with their unbelieving father for many years and had managed to remain in the faith, as she often reminded Genesis and his brother. Truth be told he was looking for a woman like his mother. One who would be so dedicated to God and yet everything about her screamed romanticism. Someone that would be sexy but totally unaware of it. Someone who would look him in the face and throw his bullshit right back at him.
Not someone who faked spirikoko-ism, but someone who truly was.
That would be the true challenge.
So when he walked into the church he had decided on, for that Sunday, Genesis’ church sensors went up. The man who welcomed him at the door, smiling politely was dressed in a worthy outfit of jeans and a shirt.
Good, at least these ones didn’t consider wearing jeans a sin.
He smiled back at the brother and was passed on to the next usher; a lady this time, in smart jeans and a shirt too.
Apparently, it was jeans Sunday. He groaned within as he saw that most of the congregation was clad in jeans.
It must be a special program. He thought, taking his seat beside a lady whose head was bowed.
In the few seconds it took for him to survey his environment, he knew he had hit jackpot. This was it.
All he had to do was wait for the choir to come upstage or upaltar, or whatever they called it these days and he would know if the deal was sealed.
Time to settle into play acting. He closed his eyes and joined in the prayer frenzy with one eye open.
Just as he was getting restless that the prayer session was getting too long, he spotted her through the space in his hands.
She had just walked in, her right hand clutching her purse. She whispered something to an usher and continued walking; past him. On her head, was a baseball cap, matching her casual outfit to a tee.
He shifted his position to get a good look at her.
Darn, she was beautiful, he thought. Jackpot, baby.
His eyes followed her as she continued to the front. Her bum was obscured by the overlapping long shirt but he could tell from her hips that she had a fairly big bum.
But why she had to go all the way to the front, he had no idea. Was she one of those women that loved to sit up close to listen to the Pastor?
Oh well, he was about to find out.
To Be Continued…
Mimi .A.
The Hourglass 