This isn’t a motivational piece telling you to rise up and rep Naija or to remind you of who you are as a Nigerian. You should read this, laugh about it and ponder the many things mentioned here then drop a comment. I’d love to hear from you.
Accents- British, American etc.
Am I the only one who appreciates how some Nigerians manage to be American, British and Yoruba all wrapped in one? Do you see our talented Nollywood stars? Don’t you think it makes us awfully talented, being able to talk like people from countries we’ve never set foot in? Our accent is unique. We have the Yorubas who miss their ‘h’s’, the Igbos who mix their ‘r’s’ and ‘L’s’, the Northerners who can comfortably mix their ‘f’s’ and ‘p’s’.
Tell me, what other country can fake our unique accents? So dear friend, the next time you fake that British-American-Indian accent and you actually pull it off nicely, give yourself a thumb up because you’re actually more talented than you think.
– Serial killers
We hear in the news of how someone walks into a school, takes hostages and starts shooting and ends up with numerous victims, or how some guy offs his girlfriend with multiple gunshots while thinking she’s an ‘intruder’. In Naija, we’d rather go for the more traditional way of rat poison if you feel so offended by the person. Or back in the days, juju would do it. No one is in actual possession of a gun or ‘emergencies’. Where can I buy a gun in Naija?
We have the occasional ritualists and then the occasional ‘armed’ robbers, but we don’t have a pyscho who walks the street kidnapping women, mutilating them and when he’s caught, blames it on having mummy issues when he was a kid. What mummy issues give you the license to become a serial something?
Shouldn’t Nigerians be grateful that religion is holding back some potential psychos, no?
– Government
We always blame the ‘government’ for our problems.
No light– government, no job–government, no money–government, no fuel–government, no happiness–government, childlessness–government. Everything is the government’s fault and our job is to sit back and blame them for it. What about the receptionists who collect bribes to enforce something that is your right? Is that the government too? What about those who are making money and are actually happy, what? Will they credit their happiness to the government?
Ultimately, we should be our ‘government’. We shouldn’t let anyone determine how happy or crappy our lives should be. No matter how little what you have is, make the best of it. There are people who thrive despite our economic state, ever wonder their secret? It’s time we take responsibility for our failures and leave the government alone.
– Spanking
How would you feel, Mum and dad if your eight-year old holds you ransom by threatening to report to the cops if you lay a finger on him/her as a form of discipline? What if your kid, whom you brought into this world and for whom you cater for, threatens to sue you for what sef…assault?
In Naija, we actually believe that sparing the rod will spoil the child. Corporal punishment should not be eradicated from the life of a child.
Parents, be grateful you aren’t getting sued for giving lil Emeka welts on his butt. Be grateful you’re in Naija.
–Jokes
Don’t you just love how Nigerians end up joking about everything? I love how we took the Ebola crisis to a whole new level with the salt and water trick. I marvel at how the BringBackOurGirls campaign eventually turned to TakeOurRunsGirls. I admire how our First lady became the butt of well-known jokes; I love how we have clowns who claim to be House of Rep members etc. running our government.
Seriously, what’s life if you can’t see humour in every situation? It is a gift to be able to see humour in impending doom. It is a rare privilege to be able to laugh and crack jokes about matters that actually make our heart bleed with tears. It is our own way of keeping our heads above water. It is our way of surviving amidst the dire and bleak circumstances in our country. If you’re a Nigerian, you have this uncanny ability. Don’t fight it.
– Patriotism.
Don’t you just love how Nigerians can be passionate about a thing that is none of their business? See the Ice bucket challenge for ALS, didn’t you see how our Nigerian celebrities were patriotic enough to dump a bucket of ice water on themselves to show how sympathetic they were to a sickness they’d probably never heard of before?
Or did we fail to mention how they joined the Americans in celebrating Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July?
–Religion
Is the most beautiful thing that happened to this country because after all is said and done, this is what keeps us together and drives a wedge between us at the same time. It is what keeps this country sane to an extent; it is why thieves visit their Pastor before an operation to ask for his blessing for their ‘businesses’.
This is also why our President invites Men of God to the Villa to pray and advise him too. This is why gay marriage cannot be legalised in this country. Who says religion is our curse?
Perhaps it isn’t religion that matters; it’s believing. It isn’t about masquerading behind religion but about putting to practice common principles of living. It is about doing to others what you want to be done to you. Won’t the country be a better place if our President thinks about his people before he takes any major step? Won’t our country be a better place if we all stopped exploiting each other?
Dear Nigerian, do not to lose hope in you because YOU are Nigeria and NIGERIA is you. So, join me as we reiterate what our National Anthem says;
“Arise Oh Compatriot!
…to serve our fatherland
With love and strength and faith,
The labour of our heroes past
Shall never be in vain,
…one nation bound with freedom, peace and unity.”
Happy Birthday Nigeria!
Mimi A.
The Hourglass 