Hey Folks, how y’all doing? So, this article of mine was first published on Pride Magazine Ng; here’s the link
I decided to share it here and hear your thoughts on it.
Tamuno and Gina recently got married and whenever they’re out in public, Gina likes to link her hand through her husband’s, rest her head against his shoulder, tap him playfully on the butt; basically, she can’t seem to keep her hands to herself but Tamuno doesn’t do same. He is not the touchy-feely type of person so he keeps his hands to himself most of the time, he won’t initiate a hand-holding session but he would clear the table and do the dishes at home to relieve Gina of her chores. Gina complains that he is ashamed of her in public that’s why he doesn’t like holding hands while Tamuno complains that she never notices or appreciates the things he does for her at home. While these may seem like small issues, it causes friction between them at home.
The subject of love languages is something many of us are under informed about. Some don’t even know about it and some do not care but they seem to forget that every person has a particular language they speak when it comes to love.
What are love languages? They are ways we communicate our affection to people we care about deeply, this is very delicate because you might be speaking Yoruba to someone who understands only Igbo and therefore cannot respond in Yoruba as you’d have expected he/she to. The thing about love languages isn’t speaking your own language; it’s about speaking the language of your spouse/partner. Only then can you get a fulfilling relationship because speaking that person’s language will keep him/her satisfied.
Partners seldom speak the same love languages and this causes confusion and dissatisfaction among them both. Here’s a story to further illustrate my point. This is a typical example of a couple speaking different love languages and not caring to understand the other’s language and speak it. Gina’s language is Physical touch while Tamuno’s is Acts of service. Truth is they’ll continue to have issues until they figure out a way to come to an agreement.
Below is a short description of the five love languages:
Quality Time: whoever speaks this language would want to spend time with their partner doing…well, whatever. It could be taking a drive together, seeing a movie, playing games or just talking. One thing is certain though, they would want enough alone time with their partner, devoid of distractions of any kind.
Physical touch: do not confuse this with sex. The people who speak this language are ‘touchers’, their expression of love is in their touch; they hold hands, they touch your face affectionately, sometimes they just want to lie with you, bodies and legs entwined. Nothing sexual about their touches, just love.
Words of Affirmation: these set of people like to hear how much you love them, why you love them and how awesome they are to you. They are the ones who get easily hurt if you say the wrong words in an argument or a fight. They also affirm people a lot, they’re motivators.
Acts of Service: Well, these people might not say they love you, a lot, but they sure know how to show it. They’re the ‘action-speak-louder-than-words kind of people. They would do anything for the one they love and expect the same. This kind of husband would be a great help to his pregnant wife.
Gifts – do not confuse this with materialism. These people show love by buying gifts or their partner, they do stuff like giving thoughtful gifts as a souvenir for their love.
The question isn’t how to get your partner to speak your language; it’s about discovering and speaking your partner’s language because love has always been about putting someone else first before you.
To find out more about the love languages, you can read up Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”.
*****
For those of us who might not know our love language(s), it’d be nice to have a sit down with your partner and analyze the way you show and respond to love. It is important to talk about it for better communication.
Do you think love languages don’t exist or that they’re overrated? How important are love languages in our relationships? Would love to hear your thoughts!
The Hourglass 