Even though he knew he was fake-giving-his-life-to-Christ, Genesis waited for that feeling; the elation that was supposed to come after reciting those words in front of the congregation.
‘…I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth…’ the words sounded ordinary in his mouth, like sawdust. Tasteless, devoid of drama. There was no rushing wind and certainly no tongues of fire like the days of the apostles.
Apart from him there were about five other people taking the same step and as soon as they finished the prayer, the ushers led them to the back of the church while the rest of the congregation clapped like they had just won the lottery. Well; to some, salvation would be considered winning the lottery.
Genesis grimaced inwardly. The things he had to do to make life more interesting, sheesh.
The back room they took them to was air-conditioned with white plastic chairs arranged vertically.
‘Welcome to the body of Christ,’ the lanky man with his well-ironed trouser said, cracking a small smile.
Genesis was more interested in his partner; a pretty lady in a grey skirt and a winning smile.
‘The Bible says there is rejoicing in heaven when one sinner comes to Christ…so believe me, there’s a party going on in heaven now, for your sakes.’ The man continued. ‘My name is Olatunji and I am in charge of the follow-up team. Since you have taken this decision, we know you would need some pointers and you would have questions on what to do next. We wouldn’t want to leave you clueless… so beginning today you would each be assigned personal follow-up mentors. Their duty is to look after your spiritual welfare for a period of twelve weeks after which we can be sure that to an extent you’re ready to stand on your own. During these eight weeks, they would tutor you in the necessary basics of Christianity and salvation. Their job is to keep you saved with the help of the Holy Spirit. They are also on ground to answer whatever questions you have and make you as comfortable as possible in the body of Christ. See them as your personal mentors and the next twelve weeks is like a crash course in Christianity, they would observe your spiritual welfare and make recommendations if necessary. Your follow-up mentor should be your second best friend starting from today.’
Olatunji spoke in a mechanical monologue that made Genesis wonder how many times he’d made that speech.
‘So we’d be passing a form around, we need you to fill that form and then we can proceed with the pairings.’ It was Ms. Pretty who spoke now.
‘The reason for this is that we want you to take the decision you took today serious. This might be too much for you to take in now, you might feel ambushed…’
Damn right I do, Genesis wanted to say as he stared at the form given to him.
‘But really the idea here is to make you realise that this is the best decision you’d ever make in your entire life. The next three months would be to open your eyes to the wonders and beauty of Christianity,’ Ms. Pretty continued.
‘Your mentor would be your prayer partner, teacher, study partner. Basically the grace upon their lives should rub off on you. As much as it is inn their power, they’re to help you grow this period. According to Apostle Paul in First Peter 2:2 as new born babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.’ Olatunji said.
Genesis sighed. These people sounded so damn organised it scared him. He didn’t need any mentor shadowing his every move for three frigging months! He hoped he hadn’t got more than he bargained for. He had to find a way out of this mess.
‘Please if you have any questions, feel free to ask.’ Ms Pretty said.
There were no questions except for Genesis unspoken question; how do I get the heck outta here?
‘Good. So I assume we understand each other. Thank you so very much for taking this step. We are so happy to have you with us. Now, to the pairings.’
Genesis had already made up his mind to not continue with the mentorship crap. He didn’t need no mentoring, he didn’t even need Jesus.
‘Please, brother Genesis indicate by waving your hand,’ Olatunji called.
The ‘brother’ before his name made Genesis want to puke. He waved his right hand, bored.
‘Ah, there you are. Sister Lola, that’s your convert. You know what to do.’
Genesis glanced around, wondering who Sister Lola was.
When he saw her, he knew he had certainly hit jackpot this time around.
*****
Lola Ajibade turned out to be a delightful pixie of a woman. Her Anita Baker haircut made her hot in a celebrity kind of way and to add to that, she had hips to die for, complemented by her rotund ass.
Three minutes into their conversation, she told Genesis to drop the ‘sister’ tag and simply call her name.
‘I hope by the time this mentorship is over, you’d find every reason to remain in the body of Christ,’ she said, shaking his hand.
Her palm was soft and tiny in his.
‘I sure will,’ he said, giving her a once-over.
He was thinking how small she was, how small she would be beneath him. He noticed her lips as she spoke, mainly because she bit them unconsciously. They were the pouty kind, like they craved a thorough massage by a fellow lip.
Her breasts were not impressive in size, barely jutting out beneath her plaid shirt, but he surmised that her ass more than made up for it. You could never have it all, he had come to find out.
Women came in packages and no package is the perfect ten.
‘So, where do we start?’ she had bright buttony eyes. ‘Um… introductions. I’m Lola Ajibade and I am Yoruba from Osun state. I’ve been with Grace Assembly for four years and it’s been amazing.’
‘Well, I’m Genesis Uba and er…I am an engineer.’
She gave a small laugh, ‘that’s all you have to share? Or you want to take it one step at a time?’
‘One step at a time, please.’
‘Oh…cool. Well, we have three months to get to know each other so no hurry.’ She rubbed her palms together. ‘We have to come up with a schedule. I’m supposed to be meeting with you thrice a week, to have our lessons. I am a journalist so my time is a bit flexible…what days of the week would be convenient for you?’
‘Lessons?’
‘Yes. We call it Salvation Classes, only this time you have a personal teacher in me,’ she tapped him playfully. ‘Don’t look so sad. I promise I’m not that bad.’
He couldn’t help laughing. If only she knew he was thinking in double entendres.
‘Erm…let’s see. How long would these classes take every time we meet?’ he asked, maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
‘An hour thirty minutes max. We understand that you have other things to do.’
‘I like that you are very understanding.’
She eyed him, ‘why do I feel like you’re making fun of…me?’
‘Ah, make fun of my second best friend? Far be it from me, sister.’ But there was a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.
‘Okay, drop the sister thing before I start calling you brother Genesis. Ehen, what kind of name is that sef? No offense oh.’
‘I was wondering when you’d ask,’ he smiled. ‘Let’s just say my mum was a big fan of the first books of the testaments.’
‘Seriously? I should meet her, I love her already!’
Genesis laughed again. Service had ended and they were standing outside the church premises, talking.
‘Well, now you know.’
‘Okay, let’s conclude on our classes. What time would suit you, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays?’
In his mind’s eye, Genesis saw his weekends over the next three months being given a grand funeral. Salvation classes from Friday through Sunday? Kill me already!
Well, he would have to make some sacrifices if he wanted to complete his spiri-koko quest. Maybe he could give her a few salvation classes herself. Now that didn’t sound so bad.
‘That’s fine. We’d work around it,’ he replied eventually.
‘Venue?’
‘Eh?’
‘Like, where would suit you best? We could use the church premises or a library or somewhere we can just sit and study.’
‘Or my house,’ he said, his face set to not give away the sinful thoughts in his heart.
To Be Continued…
Mimi A.
The Hourglass 